Hi Mr G,
Some of us in Bubble School have been discussing the ending of your Story about the 'Real True Story about the 3 Little Pigs'.
We feel you have written an exciting story with great characters - but, Mr G, the ending needs to change as it doesn't quite make sense. You could spruce it up a bit!
We have decided to help you out with some ideas! Please see our suggested draft ideas below Mr G.
Hi Kererū! You guys are so clever writing a new ending for Mr G's story. I read his story too and I thought 'hmmm, I think someone could fix this ending'. It's good that you told us it was a 'successful arrest'. From Mrs Loye
ReplyDeleteThanks my friends in Bubble School. I wondered if anyone would notice that I didn't finish it very well. I guess I left the reader wanting to know more. I really like how Khizer made sure that people knew it was a successful arrest. I also like Conor's idea of getting a crane to catch the wolf. It would really help I think.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me feedback guys.
Mr G
Hi Connor, Akshay and Khizer
ReplyDeleteLovely to see you. Thank you Mr W for sharing their ideas. I actually thought the same thing, Mr G needs to get his blue pen out and do some editing on his story, because that is what all good writers do. I am so happy that he has these three boys to help him out. I love the suggested endings you have come up with, all of them help make the story so much more interesting.
Petra
That's great feedback guys! I was particularly impressed with Mr G's story too, because I was mentioned in it, along with Petra, how cool is that! Keep up the great work at bubble school, you had great ideas to share for Mr G's story. I suppose not all arrests are successful are they?
ReplyDeleteAnna